Birth

I have so many friends that have kids now. 

Many of which are on a second or third child.

The majority of them never even wanted kids...

But i'm over here like "I want a baby" and have no luck

what so ever in the department. Not that i'm trying but it's

not that i'm the most protective in the area.

I hate that I have PCOS, I hate that when it comes to it

i'm going to go through a living hell to get pregnant.

Sometimes I think maybe I should just give up and not

have kids, tell Barry that i'm just not going to have any and 

then I see how great he is with any age of child and it melts my heart.

I want a baby so bad. I want someone to love me that I can give my all to.

Maybe it wont happen, maybe it will, I don't know if things will happen.

But I hope i'm at least given the chance to have it happen before

something worse happens with my PCOS or worse...cervical cancer.

These are the days I miss my best friend Heather.

She would have something encouraging to say to me.

To pull me out of this frame of mind.

I miss you babe.