I realize that I write this with no real expectation of people leaving me feedback or even reading what I have to say. Not that it matters but I guess it's better then writing it out by hand, or maybe I should write this all out by hand. I'm distant. I feel perfectly fine emotionally one minute and the next I hate the person nearest to me and I feel physically sick. I never used to be a crier. I could hold in the worst of feelings I ever had and now I just cry. It's pathetic. I'd like to just make it all go away but I know I wont. I don't know how. Problem solved right?. No but who cares. No one cares i'm getting surgery tomorrow and the next day. No one would offer to come with me and comfort me. Everyone's just out for them selves. (and here come the water works). Perfect. My own boyfriend doesn't even seem to be concerned, not that he has to be but a few comforting words would have been nice. To much to ask for I suppose. Even though I didn't ask. I guess I don't know if I am suppose to ask or not. I figure it's a given that if you're going to be cut, burned, numbed, stitched and put on pain meds that someone would care about you. Especially when you have someone who says they love you. How do people without so called loved ones do this shit. Maybe i'm reading into this to much. I don't feel better on these meds. They're suppose to help my depression, anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder but so far i'm just mad and feeling worse off. Maybe they have made me better though and this is how i'm truly meant to feel about everything. No one cares, why should I care right? Who cares...
