There Are Days

You know there are days I really just want to give up, & I do for the most part. But there are days that I really really want to give up and someone talks me out of it, or I talk my self out of it and I guess that's a good thing and a good sign but what happens to those people who "cared" for that split moment. Where were they before those feelings and where are they after. I don't really believe in friendship when people just come and go so easily. I don't really believe I need anyone who isn't my immediate family; which is why I always choose to be alone when it comes to making friends. 

Sure as a kid having friends seems nice and all but there's always the bad things no one thinks about for their kids; them picking up their habits good or bad, other kids getting you into trouble, bullying, fighting, name calling, tattle tales, finger pointing, bad mouthing, over eating, under eating, he reads to much, she reads to little, he said this, she said that. Why wasn't I allowed to just be myself, by myself with my pencils and sketch book and shut the world out.

I was told I had to do gym even though I had zero co-ordination skills what so ever and had no interest in it what so ever. Why do I have to learn things i'm never going to use. Why do I have to interact with kids who were not just seconds ago calling me fatty and four eyes? because adults think kids can't think for them selves and honestly if given the chance I would have done better. I loved all the best classes needed to grow; math, science, history, spelling, art, etc. Gym should be an extra, pen pals should be an extra, recess should be an extra!

When you're told that you're doing recess wrong as a child honestly I really just want to tell parents to get a fucking clue! if your kid likes spending their time drawing rather than running around like some stupid monkey with some other stupid monkeys then don't clip their wings. Fuck you parents, Fuck you Teachers, Fuck you society!

Kids are going to be kids but if parent's expect kids to not bully then they shouldn't be the one's bullying first. They set the examples up for kids.

I'm now 23 and i'm going to be 24 this March 2015 and I have developed over just my short 23 years so far, Depression, Anxiety, (OCD) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Stressful Eating Habits, Trust Issues, Suicidal Tendencies, Paranoia, and a Larger than life list of Phobias...

Thanks Childhood.

(& no none of this should be taken as a reflection on my parents parenting skills)

Why?; because when the teachers told me I had to, my Father said FUCK YOU!

If I didn't want to do something I didn't bloody well have to!

WHY? because i'm the daughter of a fucking true grit and grime biker!

not your fucking dumb ass little dentist riders, wannabee motorcyclist who spit out the words "live to ride and ride to live" bullshit! go fuck your self!

You all have complex's that say if you act this way people will fear you NO! they're laughing at you, cause you look stupid. My dads generation is still strong, they're old, they're dirty, and they spit in the face of authority! come on dentist spit in that cops eye! no? oh, didn't think so.

I don't care that I have all these problems with my self image and emotional damage because at the end of the day I am part of a great and ever true group of wonderful men who know what the real rules of the road are; and my dads group is my family, they are all my dads, they are all my friends, they are all I need at the end of the day. I shall fear no evil, I dance with it, I drink with it, and I am the spawn of evil.

Life can throw some pretty big punches and sometimes it can just do nothing at all and I can get upset, but you people are the people who make me sick. don't tell me who I am, whats wrong with me and what I need to do to get better, let ME be ME. 

and you....

Go Fuck Your Self <3