I spent the summer of 2019 with a boy I thought was my future even though I spent so much time convincing myself he wasn't that I was just going to get hurt again. It was a fun summer not without it's hardships as many things have. We spent time together fishing by the lake, going to the drive in and dancing at the bar while singing together. I suppose I was fooled in the end to thing that when he went back home to Gaspe that I would still have his interest but that faded faster than I thought.
Someone else found me though; to explain that though I have to explain that I once used a dating site to meet someone and I made a good friend instead. He had spent time in a federal prison and served his time which he thought I would run from but he was a good person in my eyes. From this friend I was introduced to Steve. Someone my friend had spent many year with in prison who has changed his whole life, he's corrected his behavior and we have a lot in common. Now I have to admit I was still in this previous relationship while talking to Steve and that was alright because I never spoke to Steve in a way that would ring any alarms he was a pen pal via phone. We talk for an hour and I wanted to know more about him and he as well wanted to know more about me.
When things started to decline he confessed to me that he wanted to win me over. I knew part of me really wanted things to work with said previous love but I didn't want to force someone to love me when he didn't have time for me. I spent more time talking to Steve and just let 'other' go on with his life. He never called me, wrote to me, text even and now it's been well over 2 months, it's safe to say that we were done. Steve was quite pleased when I told him he wasn't interested in me anymore. Steve remained empathetic and still let me know that he admired me and wanted to pursue a relationship with me. After a few weeks of calling everyday and writing to each other, I finally decided that I was ready to try. I wanted to wait until I saw him in person and he asked me to be his to say yes but in my heart I wanted the title of being his as well. I'm in a relationship and I'm happy again.
He's into art and has similar dreams for the future that I have as well as some that I didn't even think of but I'm excited about the changes. He's the closest thing to the one. Since I've been with him I've applied myself more and he even inspired me to follow my dream of writing a children's book for publish. Not only that I did it! It's in the works. With the help of Cheryl I have an Editor reading it for me this week who will give me notes and help me take it to the next level. and Cheryl found me someone who's self published as well so I can't wait to make the connection there. I have a few kids book ideas that I want to see about getting published.
I'm having some conflicting thoughts though with things, I think my best friend is going through to much. I'm not sure how to handle it or even if I should honestly. I'm worried about everything going on, Steve thinks I shouldn't just recluse myself from it but just be there and listen, but it's getting hard for me to just watch this thing change. I would be fine if it was better but it's a steady decline. I know my friend doesn't fully agree with my decision to be with Steve because he's in prison but there's someone out there for everyone and who would I be living in regret if i walked away from someone I have so much in common with. I want nothing but happiness but there's always something and a friend being hurt even though it's not physical abuse it still makes me mad. The difference is bad, there's so much more going on and I feel there are secrets that I just don't like.
With this Covid 19 virus and everyone being quarantined i'm going a little stir crazy. Steve is on a different style of lock down so he's going a little nuts without his normal routine. I'm going crazy but trying to find different projects to keep me busy. Looking for things to write, writing new books i've had in my head, making crafts to keep my hands busy, painting, knitting, anything to keep myself occupied. I guess life would be boring if it was easy. Every time I'm finally happy or on that path something comes and shit's on that feeling. Lets see how this goes.
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