What Family

I'm sick to my stomach right now. I literally cant take anymore of this 

bullshit family nonsense. Everyone is so vindictive and secretive behind

everyone else back and I hate it. I had two good sets of family members

my cousins Rich and Kitty and my Aunt Colette and Uncle Tim. People I

look up to and now i'm down to 1. What kind of world is this is everyone just

as fucked up with family as I am. All I ever wanted was that big family that when 

I had my own house I could have them come over and have dinners and now I have 

nothing but broken families everywhere. I'm sick of this shit. Everyone's a damn 

mess. I'm being told I can't choose sides I love my niece more than anything I love 

Kitty she's my sister; she's not even like a sister she is my sister. I'm sick to my 

stomach. I honestly cant even look at the people in my family anymore either. 

I feel nothing. I'm doubting everything now. What's the point of having

family if I hate the majority of them. I have like 0 true friends and no one 

talks to me anyways whats the point now, living to do nothing. I lost

my one friend who cared about me and told me she loved me and now 

everything has gone to shit, It's just one things after another.

Maybe it's time to go.

Birthday

It's been a while since my birthday I haven't had time to write.
But it was the best birthday ever.
we started my birthday at Casino Rama, where we got a hotel room,
and we went to the spa (which is a joke there by the way) the girl
was really under educated about anything nail wise which was what my
whole appointment was for, she failed hard core.
But after that nonsense we went to the room and then got ready to go to
dinner and then gambling.

The 27th we went around Orillia and did some window shopping
I found the cutest bear ever! besides Barry of course.

Then we went to RJ & Darquis' place where they ordered
chinese food and bought me a hello kitty DQ cake.
they also surprised me with a gift of the 3rd and 4th
skull duggary plesant books.

the 28th we went to a dart tournament in memory of
one of the guys that passed away that played darts with the
group that we play with. To many drunks for me.

On my actual birthday the 29th; we went to the 400 flee market
and then went to Orillia to the East side marios for dinner with
both my parents and barry's parents. and then we had to go to his parents
house because they had a gift for me there which turned out to be the
most gorgeous hope chest ever. I love it so much.

Needless to say best birthday ever.

Also Barry got me the best gift ever!
Bed and Breakfast stay at a really big estate away from everything <3
I can't wait!

Lol were goobs!

Past Choices

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I recently found some old photo's of my self and others from high school

days and I can't believe how skinny I was. It made me cry honestly because of the

things that people used to say to me about my self back then they just hurt me.

I wish I never listened to those people back then and maybe I wouldn't have 

turned out to be the size I am today.

I've realized how much i've changed my appearance a lot to how

others told me to look when I was younger instead of how I wanted to look.

Like chopping off all my hair. I NEVER wanted to do that, and I was 

pressured into it and I cried so much and now my hair never grows past my collar bone.

I wish I just listened to my dad.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I miss a lot of my old friends too, I've never really felt so lonely some times.

Finding out so many people invite me to things and beg me to come then I hear

that they don't even like me kind of sucks... and they never have a reason.

People are so shallow. I used to make friends with everyone and now people

are so fixated with drama and gossip that they don't care about the truth and 

then they wonder why they have no friends and are sad all the time.

I choose to have little friends because of this.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Shopping Haul

Got my nails done last night with my mum for a late gift.

Found a lot of good things while I was out !

SOHO Naturals Kabuki Brush it provides moderate to full coverage.

It's short handle makes it easy to hold and control as it moves around your

face - perfect brush to use with mineral makeup, loose or pressed powder, or bronzer.

It's a densely packed bristle in a very pretty pink. They're very soft and fluffy.

Material: Nylon Fibers

Handle: Bamboo

sohobeauty.com

I found this cute package of creme sponges. They're really soft

cute and absorbent and come is so many different shapes. My favorite of course

is that really cute teal heart. According to the packaging the creme shop has

been around since 1987 as an established premier beauty supply manufacturer.

It's a Los Angeles made product and the make more than just makeup sponges.

www.thecremeshop.com

I got a few first aid kits Hello Kitty of course. This one is a small 

purse size kit that holds 2 Antiseptic wipes, 2 gauze pads, 4 large bandages & 

4 small bandages, all in a cute tin case.

This one is a 75 piece first aid kit of course again is Hello Kitty.

This kit includes: 1 Anti-itch cream, 1 Pain relief spray, 6 gauze pads,

4 soft gel fever patches, 10 Antiseptic wipes, 15 large bandages, 1 small

rectangular bandage, 10 cotton balls, 1 self adhesive wrap, 1 instant cool pack,

8 get well stickers, & 1 emergency contact card. They all feature hello kitty on the 

packaging in some way.

Sanrio really outdid them selves I can't wait to use them, i'm sure it

wont be long the way myself and Barry are accident prone lol.

I love all my kawaii things I got! 

Things are looking up

 I'm so proud of my life right now I can't wait to

see how things will go for Barry & Myself.

I'm going to be putting my best foot forward into 

loosing as much weight as I can. I know I have a few

friends who can help me get that kick in the ass that I need.

I'm looking into working from home as well, I found it online

at nextworkathome.com it's for brand name companies taking orders

online and placing them for delivery. I'm excited to start learning more

about the company and seeing where it can take me because this is perfect

for my anxiety I wont have to leave my house in a frantic attempt to be on

time for shifts and I get to make my own hours. 

But this is a big step because when I solidify these to things then

we are going to start thinking about having kids in the next year or two.

If my weight is managed then there wont be as many complications 

with my health if I have a baby. I've got the baby fever i'm not afraid to 

admit it. It's hitting me harder than I thought it would.

Saint Valentine ♥

I had the most wonderful Valentines Day.

Barry had to work the majority of the day until 8pm.

I started my day getting ready for a movie date with Marjorie.

We saw 50 Shades of Grey.

I now wish to own the books so I will be looking into acquiring those.

I got home for 6:30pm so I didn't have long to wait for Barry

to be off to begin our Valentines.

We ordered in 241 pizza and ate at 8:15pm

after we exchanged gifts.

Barry got my Munchkin Avdenture Time Eddition!

I can't wait to play it!

Then he gave me a Red Velvet box with a hand written note folded inside.

Then he allowed me to open my card which he had lovingly placed a beautiful

10 carrot white gold heart shaped pendant with necklace.

It's gorgeous and I couldn't be happier.

After that he opened my gift to him and he loved it!

I wont go into details as to what happened next but It was a success.

♥I Love You Barry Clifford Leavoy♥

Birth

I have so many friends that have kids now. 

Many of which are on a second or third child.

The majority of them never even wanted kids...

But i'm over here like "I want a baby" and have no luck

what so ever in the department. Not that i'm trying but it's

not that i'm the most protective in the area.

I hate that I have PCOS, I hate that when it comes to it

i'm going to go through a living hell to get pregnant.

Sometimes I think maybe I should just give up and not

have kids, tell Barry that i'm just not going to have any and 

then I see how great he is with any age of child and it melts my heart.

I want a baby so bad. I want someone to love me that I can give my all to.

Maybe it wont happen, maybe it will, I don't know if things will happen.

But I hope i'm at least given the chance to have it happen before

something worse happens with my PCOS or worse...cervical cancer.

These are the days I miss my best friend Heather.

She would have something encouraging to say to me.

To pull me out of this frame of mind.

I miss you babe.