Saint Valentine ♥

I had the most wonderful Valentines Day.

Barry had to work the majority of the day until 8pm.

I started my day getting ready for a movie date with Marjorie.

We saw 50 Shades of Grey.

I now wish to own the books so I will be looking into acquiring those.

I got home for 6:30pm so I didn't have long to wait for Barry

to be off to begin our Valentines.

We ordered in 241 pizza and ate at 8:15pm

after we exchanged gifts.

Barry got my Munchkin Avdenture Time Eddition!

I can't wait to play it!

Then he gave me a Red Velvet box with a hand written note folded inside.

Then he allowed me to open my card which he had lovingly placed a beautiful

10 carrot white gold heart shaped pendant with necklace.

It's gorgeous and I couldn't be happier.

After that he opened my gift to him and he loved it!

I wont go into details as to what happened next but It was a success.

♥I Love You Barry Clifford Leavoy♥

Birth

I have so many friends that have kids now. 

Many of which are on a second or third child.

The majority of them never even wanted kids...

But i'm over here like "I want a baby" and have no luck

what so ever in the department. Not that i'm trying but it's

not that i'm the most protective in the area.

I hate that I have PCOS, I hate that when it comes to it

i'm going to go through a living hell to get pregnant.

Sometimes I think maybe I should just give up and not

have kids, tell Barry that i'm just not going to have any and 

then I see how great he is with any age of child and it melts my heart.

I want a baby so bad. I want someone to love me that I can give my all to.

Maybe it wont happen, maybe it will, I don't know if things will happen.

But I hope i'm at least given the chance to have it happen before

something worse happens with my PCOS or worse...cervical cancer.

These are the days I miss my best friend Heather.

She would have something encouraging to say to me.

To pull me out of this frame of mind.

I miss you babe.

...Throwing Rocks

I wish I had te chance to have a true sibling but it wasn't in my cards clearly. My so called sister just can't leave things lying down. I've made changes in my life and because of some of my new goals and outlooks on life I figured let's start clean take everyone out of that blocked list (Facebook). That blew up in a weeks time. Not that I thought anything would come from it at all my sister messages me because she noticed she was off the list.... [ 1. How did you even notice I don't talk to you or say shit to you, 2. Why do you care & 3. At least your paying attention ]

Not cause I try to be nice when she asks "I noticed you unblocked me" my reply "because your my sister". Nothing but drama from there. I'm tired of her lies and excuses. I'm tired of her taking out her frustrations on me. I deserve better than her and I have it in Richard. 

Her words are hurtful and her fibs are

Outrageous! At least I have Beary to keep me calm. So here's it, a day of mourning, my sister is offically dead, Rest In Hell Bitch. Ima do me, kiss my ass drama queen. 

Old Friends Revised?

I faced a pretty large part of my past this week and it went better than I thought.

I had a falling out with my best friend of 13 years, about 3 years ago.
We stopped talking for 3 years straight.
Reasons don't need to be mentioned but we just fell apart.
I made the decision when I saw her that I would say my peace and see how it went.
She was waiting apparently. It was really nice to reconnect with her.
I'm not going to divulge my everything into it until I know how it's going to go.
But so far it seems promising.

I'm proud that I faced one of my many anxieties and it didn't blow up in my face.
Hopefully it still wont.
I believe it will be a well made decision.

Introspective Dreams

I've been more aware of my dreams lately.

I even brought out my old Dream Journal that tells you the meaning

of your dreams and breaks down for you the behind the scenes so to say

of whats going on in your life and how to deal with it in some sense.

So I had a dream I've never had before which isn't like me at all

I normally dream about the same few things since I was 14 or younger.

So I had a dream about War, Past Friends, Being A Mother & Breastfeeding, 

So here's what it says about my life right now.

War

To dream of a war signifies disorder and chaos in your waking life You are experiencing some internal conflict or emotional struggle which is tearing you up inside. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are either being overly aggressive or that you are not being assertive enough. Perhaps you need to be prepared to put up a fight in some area of your life. On a more direct level, the dream may be reflection of current wars around the world and your personal feelings about it.

Friend

To see friends from your past in your dream points to your desire to reconnect with a part of yourself that you have lost touch with. Perhaps it is time to pick up that old hobby or put a long hidden talent to use. A more direct interpretation of this dream may simply mean that you should look this friend up and reconnect with them. 

Motherhood

If you are not a mother in your waking life, but dream that you are a mother, then the dream is a metaphor that you need to show more of your nurturing and caring nature. You need to be more compassionate. Perhaps you are coming across as too indifferent. 

Breast Feeding

To dream that you are breast feeding or nursing symbolizes tenderness, love, nurturance, and motherly love. Good things will be at your grasp. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to be careful in who you confide in.

To see someone breastfeeding indicates that you are nurturing a hidden aspect of yourself. 

I don't entirely know what to make of everything but some things make

sense and some just don't stand out to me just yet but i'm sure they will in time.

The Breast Feeding one is the one that makes me wonder right now.

I've been thinking a lot about having a child, If I still wanted to have kids or not.

I thought this was interesting.

Any thoughts?

Ceremony Of Life

♥Heather♥

07.05.92 - 01.03.15

Yesterday was one of the hardest days for me.

We said goodbye to my best friend Heather.

A celebration of life with over 200 people that showed up.

I was so pleased with the response from people showing up.

Heather was a bright light to everyone it was amazing.

The pastor was funny, bright, and well spoken.

He also suffers some Epilepsy so it was nice having someone

who understands what Heather was going through.

I saw people from high school I haven't seen in maybe 10 years.

No re connections were made though which in my eyes are good.

The immaturity levels with them are still as they were back then.

They sat and took "selfies" at my best friends funeral...

I honestly wish I knew during so they could have been told it was 

so inappropriate. I really hope Cheryl doesn't see them.

It's not a reunion don't take pictures like that at a funeral.

Some people are children though...

I was very grateful that Sarah, Ryan, Eric & Shay showed up since

Barry couldn't get the time off work. They stayed the whole ceremony

with me. It was really nice having mature couples to sit with.

Corbin was completely oblivious to what was going on as

people brought him toys and things to keep himself busy.

He played around with Leigh and his grandpa Keith.

I think he will be just fine.

I will make sure I have that quilt done for him.

I love you Heather♥

Miss you

♥ Heather ♥

♥ Heather ♥

Well it's been a hard 2 weeks now.
I lost one of my best friends Heather to Epilepsy.
She had a grande maul seizure and passed on the 3rd January 2015
It's been devastating. I've been trying to keep my self together
but it's getting harder and harder as her ceremony approaches.
Her family had her cremated as Heather wouldn't want to be buried.
She hated bugs and all ideas having to do with them.
So instead of a funeral they will be doing a celebration of life for her.

When me and Heather met we had a mix up as she thought that I hated her, & I
thought she hated me. Which we later found out wasn't the case and became friends.
Soon to be best friends. Beginning to talk more and more everyday. Heather became
my sunshine when I was down at the worst moments. We even colored our hair Pink
together. She was a bright star for me when everything seemed shit; and she always
knew when I needed someone to talk to. So in honor of Heather; Myself & Barry
have colored our Hair Pink! (Mustache). We're always going to remember you.
& even though Barry didn't get to know you in the short time you two met he still
cared enough to do this for you. You were the best friend anyone could ask for.

I'm heartbroken.
I keep waiting for her to text me and be okay.
Not hearing her voice when she randomly calls,
No more random calls,
No more weird conversations.
No more Heather....
I wish I had just one more day with her...just one.

♥I miss you Heather♥ 

For those of you who are not aware about Epilepsy here are some facts.

What is Epilepsy?

Epilepsy is a neurological condition which affects the nervous system. Epilepsy is also known as a seizure disorder. It is usually diagnosed after a person has had at least two seizures that were not caused by some known medical condition.

What are Seizures?

Seizures seen in epilepsy are caused by disturbances in the electrical activity of the brain. The seizures in epilepsy may be related to a brain injury or a family tendency, but most of the time the cause is unknown…

• 65 MILLION: Number of people around the world who have epilepsy.
• OVER 2 MILLION: Number of people in the United States who have epilepsy.
• 1 IN 26 people in the United States will develop epilepsy at some point in their lifetime.
• BETWEEN 4 AND 10 OUT OF 1,000: Number of people on earth who live with active seizures at any one time. 
• 150,000: Number of new cases of epilepsy in the United States each year
• ONE-THIRD: Number of people with epilepsy who live with uncontrollable seizures because no available treatment works for them.
• 6 OUT OF 10: Number of people with epilepsy where the cause is unknown.

If you know someone with Epilepsy or even if you don't please share the awareness

Loosing someone to anything is hard. Loosing someone to Epilepsy is eye opening.

I Wear Purple For Heather. 

Rest In Paradise My Love

♥ Heather ♥

07.05.92 - 01.03.15